There are also many people in the world who believe squirrels are the spawn of Satan. They recognize the intrinsic threat posed to mankind by this scheming little vermin. Some visionaries have even called for the eradication of all squirrels to protect mankind’s future on the earth.
But these two groups of people, free market conservatives and squirrel haters, have remained distinct and often have mistrusted each other’s motives. Some political observers believe this is a leading cause of the Republican party’s inability to build a solid voter coalition and take back the White House.
The purpose of this essay is to show that the underlying principles of conservatism - individual freedom, property rights and the rule of law - are the same principles which animate the legions of anti-squirrel activists. Thus enabling the Republican party to build a formidable voter coalition which will crush liberal pansies and keep Algore from destroying modern civilization.
The first similarity of conservatism to anti-squirrel activism is a strong belief in the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. The Second Amendment guarantees the right to keep and bear arms. Conservatives see this as necessary to keep tyrants at bay. And so do anti-squirrel activists. Only the tyrants anti-squirrelers wish to defend themselves against are bushy-tailed tree rat vermin.
The second similarity is a strong belief in property rights. Conservatives rightly believe that the only workable purpose of government is for it to defend life, liberty and property. Any movement outside of that limited realm will damage the rights of the individual. Property rights are at the center of preserving other rights. Without the right to control and own property, there really is no other right.
Anti-squirrel activists also recognize the importance of property rights. They see the massive damages caused by squirrels to crops, homes, power lines and other forms of public and private property as a blatant disregard for property rights by the squirrels. The bushy-tailed tree rats ignore no trespassing signs on wooded properties, and they cause extensive damage to homes by committing what would be called burglary if it were done by another animal.
The third and final similarity behind the conservative and anti-squirrel philosophies is the animating principle of freedom. Conservatives believe men should be free to pursue their own meaning in life without a government trying to supply that meaning.
Anti-squirrelers also believe in the importance of freedom. They believe they should be free to eliminate what they perceive to be the largest threat to their happiness and safety – the squirrel.
But the biggest reason for conservatives and anti-squirrelers to unite is one of historical fact. The squirrels were advisors and helpers to several communist dictators of this last century.
Josef Stalin often consulted an albino Ukrainian squirrel when conducting his awful purges that left millions dead. Although the squirrel’s origin and final fate are unknown, his existence is indisputable. Stalin’s biographer made particular mention of the squirrel who he believed responsible for Stalin’s haphazard implementation of communism.
It is also well-documented historical fact that Mao Zedung, a Chinese communist dictator, was especially fond of squirrels. In his “Little Red Book” of communist slogans and quotations, one can find ample evidence of collusion with squirrels.
One quotation reads, “Our bushy-tailed brethren will help the proletariat rise up and break the chains of capitalism with which they are bound.”
Chairman Mao’s “Cultural Revolution,” which was meant to purge the communist party of dissidents, was the plan of a Sezchuan Province Gray Squirrel who also helped Mao defeat the Kuomintang Chinese Nationalists in 1949. Historians estimate that as many as 100 million Chinese were killed or starved to death during the Cultural Revolution. And much of China’s cultural heritage and historical beauty were wiped out of existence because of these devious bushy-tailed machinations.
Think about it. One squirrel was responsible for the deaths of perhaps 100 million people.
In conclusion, pro-freedom conservatives and anti-squirrel activists have much in common. I am confident that if these two disparate factions recognize their intrinsic similarities and unite as a voting block it will create an electoral realignment more powerful and lasting than the realignment which took place as a result of the Great Depression and FDR’s New Deal. And anti-squirrel activists would certainly be closer to their ultimate objective to wipe out the bushy-tailed vermin.
There are alot of squirrels at CP that need eraditcating.. all in fun, as this is a nice diversion from the usual!
*** This post was edited by redbrigade 1/15/2003 6:29:37 PM ***
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~Lee~
Group Sales ATL '01
Group Sales TL '02
Park Admissions Supervisor '03
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"The greatest leaders don't take credit for their actions; they don't have to."
Gravity said:
Eh... leave the squirrels...KILL THE SEAGULLS!
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2003 - Ride Operations------------------
You took the words right out of my mouth!
blasting off in 108 days...........
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Remember, "Being fat can even ruin a romantic cruise"
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Kelly aka TazMaster
CP@LE RR 2000
White Water Landing 2001
Wicked Twister/Kiddy Kingdom 2002
Ast. Team Leader GCA 2003
RIP STEVEN CROWE 8-6-82 1-4-03
MY CRAZY LIFE
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Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Numbers.
*** This post was edited by TJohnson 1/16/2003 11:03:44 AM ***
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Kelly aka TazMaster
CP@LE RR 2000
White Water Landing 2001
Wicked Twister/Kiddy Kingdom 2002
Ast. Team Leader GCA 2003
RIP STEVEN CROWE 8-6-82 1-4-03
MY CRAZY LIFE
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~Lee~
Group Sales ATL '01
Group Sales TL '02
Park Admissions Supervisor '03
----------------------
"The greatest leaders don't take credit for their actions; they don't have to."
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Kelly aka TazMaster
CP@LE RR 2000
White Water Landing 2001
Wicked Twister/Kiddy Kingdom 2002
Ast. Team Leader GCA 2003
RIP STEVEN CROWE 8-6-82 1-4-03
MY CRAZY LIFE
The geiko commercial to which is referenced in this thread contain 2 squirrels that are neo-nazis and have connections to the Oddessa organization and have homes in Brazil and live under false names!
Actually there is a website that is dedicated to the eradication of squirrels and the harbringers of evil that they truly are. Just put in the phrase "all squirrels must die" into the google search and it will guide you to the site of freedom from oppression and guidence from christ above!
I thought everyone would get a laugh from this, there is actually a site for the squirrel defamation league! Have fun with the topic.Personally I hate squirrels and seagulls, the starlings I enjoy as they are meek and they are capitalists! LOL
*** This post was edited by redbrigade 1/19/2003 9:00:35 PM ***
Just think CP would be the obvious place for a "freedom range",i.e. a seagull shooting gallery over the water. Of course it would need to be baited to attract the little winged communist brethern of the dreaded grey squirrel, but I think that Mr. Kinzel would be more than thrilled to commit a very small amount of money to what would be a great act of patriotism: BLOWING THOSE COMMUNIST SEAGULLS TO OBLIVION!
lol, enjoy!
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~Lee~
Group Sales ATL '01
Group Sales TL '02
Park Admissions Supervisor '03
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"The greatest leaders don't take credit for their actions; they don't have to."
Join SDL!
Lee said:
Mr. Redbrigade, sir, may I politely suggest an alternative pasttime? With your undoubtedly profound dedication to obliterating the "Axis of Evil" of the natural world, I'm sure you would enjoy the Redwall series of books by Brian Jacques, or that timeless classic Watership Down (which has a delightful sociopolitical plotline as well...communist rabbits, anyone?). I'm sure these will satiate your hunger for animal antics and bloodthirsty battle plans to no end.------------------
~Lee~Group Sales ATL '01
Group Sales TL '02
Park Admissions Supervisor '03
----------------------
"The greatest leaders don't take credit for their actions; they don't have to."
Lee I just knew you had to be a dorm RA, all in fun my freind!
Closed topic.